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So what should parents do? Parents should let their children know what is coming. Spirited children need events spelled out to them. They can become anxious when they can’t predict what’s coming next. So when it is time to leave the playground, it is recommended that you tell him what you are going to do next. You can tell him or her details like: you’ll go to the car, we’ll drive straight home, find Sis and Dad there, and have spaghetti for dinner.

Parents need to be clear and consistent. Children need security and consistency of clear rules and set limits. Thus, if naptime is after lunch and your child does not want to nap, be firm and confident in enforcing his or her rest period.

Physical contact is also important. Children need connection. So, it is important that you spend time to cuddle with your children or play with them or give them a backrub before bed. Physical contact lets children know that they can trust you to be there for them. This can also help make them become more independent.

Creating a “yes” environment can also help control your children. Parents should let their child pour their own juice, use a fork, and put on his own shoes. It doesn’t matter that it would be a little messier or it takes a little longer. Letting your child do these little things can help increased independence and cooperation. Parents should also ensure that there are no danger spots at home. The more child friendly your home is, the less you’ll be fighting with him or her to keep away from special things and places.

And more importantly, parents should soothe their child’s senses and acknowledge their child’s feelings. Soothing their senses will help wind down when your child’s intensity level starts to rise. You can give your child a warm bath on a cold night, put a cool washcloth on his forehead on a summer afternoon, or let him play with his rubber ducks in the kitchen sink while you’re cooking. Parents should also talk to their toddler and let the child know that he is not the only one who is overcome by difficult emotions sometimes. Remember not to become angry with the child when your perfectly logical explanations don’t result in his quick compliance.

These activities can help you get connected and empathize with your child. It will help your child learn to trust you and become more cooperative with you.

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Mary Sheedy Kurcinka had the best definition for “spirited”. In her book, Raising Your Spirited Child, she writes:

The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is “more”. They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change than other children. All children possess these characteristics, but spirited kids possess them with a depth and range not available to other children.

Aside from being a very good description for my son, Mary’s definition actually made me feel proud. Yes, I am exhausted. Yes, sometimes he drives me crazy. But, the things that challenge me at every turn are the same things that make my son so interesting and endearing. I would take a spirited toddler over a bump-on-a-log in a heartbeat. Many of these children grow up to be extremely successful, and our lives are never boring.

Unfortunately, many of the conventional methods for handling problems simply don’t apply to spirited toddlers. “Redirect,” my mother always suggests when my son gets into things he shouldn’t. I could pull out a firetruck filled with candy and puppies, and he would remain intently focused on the dishwasher buttons. “Ignore a tantrum”…Nice idea, but it is hard to ignore a child who can happily kick and scream for two hours.

If you think you have a spirited toddler though, don’t worry. There are plenty of resources out there to help you guide your child without breaking that beautiful spirit. I highly recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s book, Raising Your Spirited Child. It has been a life saver. Kurcinka is a parenting teacher and offers many real-life examples of spirited behavior as well as excellent solutions and ideas.

Of course, Wild Edisons is a great resource as well.

Tell us about your spirited toddler by leaving a comment below. We would love to hear from you!

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